fastboot commands time out but devices are visible
Ok, after what felt years of debugging and asking for help, I was finally able to figure out the problem. I installed adb and fastboot from the outdated Ubuntu APT repos via the command line instead of downloading the current Google.zip per wiki install guide link. With the proper tools, everything works now. I hope this helps somebody else to avoid the same mistake in the future.
adb waiting for device after installing usb drivers
Found the answer in the second response here. Needed to specifically set the USB connection to Internet
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